It’s often said that ”birds of a feather flock together”. This suggests that people of the same class and like-minds are better mingling together as against individuals with varied understanding.
Must he or she be a graduate?
Is being a graduate a major determinant in the choice of who you marry? A lot of people would say that since they are educated they would definitely not get married or not have a relationship with someone who is not educated but I would like to ask these questions; must you marry a graduate? Are paper qualifications a major yardstick for who we get along with? Are all educated people responsible? Didn’t many of our uneducated parents make happy and perfect homes?
There are a lot of factors to be considered in this case. Everyone actually wants the best and no one would want a rotten package though, it’s not a bad idea going for a graduate if you are one or going for someone who had primary education but enlightened.
I supposed a medical doctor is a graduate?
An A-class graduate with the most lucrative qualification came to my path. It might surprise you to learn that a lot of people who are educated do not actually have what it takes to have a healthy relationship with anyone. For instance, when I was growing up as a young girl who just gained admission into the University. There was this handsome young man, a practicing doctor probably in his mid 30’s. He was seriously coming after me for marriage but his approach wasn’t really right as it was absolutely disturbing because he was being forceful.
I was super sure he had an outstanding qualification and a great job. He owns and manages a private clinic on my street, therefore, it would be rare for any girl to ever turn down an extended hands of a serious relationship with a man of such pedigree but I did. Why did I object to his proposal? I was considering quite a number of things about him. One of his ears was cut off. When I tried to find out what actually happened to his left ear. He proudly told me he was a cultist in the university that one of his ears was cut off during a clash between his cult members and a different cult in Uniben (University of Benin), Nigeria. I hailed him for surviving the clash though.
Moreover, the young doctor’s attitude and reactions to issues were something overboard. Each time he rang me up on the phone then I was living in the hostel, sharing a seven man’s room with other six girls. His several phone calls in a day made my roommates accused me of not knowing what I wanted in a man. They believed he was super caring and has a good profession. They never knew I was battling over his constant ranting and nasty talks over the phone. The way he commanded and asked me some silly questions during our face to face chats and over our telephone conversations showed how immature he was with so much intolerable baggage.
In another instance, I tried to find out his relationship with his office secretary, he claimed there was nothing between them but contrary to his claims, the young girl already has a child for him outside wedlock.
Now, here’s the question, was he not a graduate? he is educated and classy! He has a pedigree, with an attractive qualification that will be so charming and probably irresistible to every girl out there.
My roommate insisted he must be a graduate
One out of my six roommates was dating a pressman who was working with the Anambra Broadcasting Service (ABS). One of the weekends she visited this working-class boyfriend of hers at Awka from Enugu State. They got involved in an argument but the guy beat the hell out of her and locked her up in the house. He didn’t even consider his status as a pressman. This act of domestic violence could have definitely cost him his job if it were in the civilized world. I personally sent my roommate money for her transportation back to Enugu State the next day. We finally convinced her to let go of the pressman and move on.
Why was she head bent on marrying a graduate?
My roommate was simply worried and concerned about marrying a graduate because she was being trained in the higher institution by foster parents of whom she has been living with from her childhood. She spent almost all her holiday at her foster parent’s house at Nnewi and hardly visits her biological parents in Jos, Plateau State. Her foster parents are doctors working at the Teaching Hospital Nnewi as at that moment.
So, Jane, my roommate was doing everything in her own capacity not to get into a serious relationship with a non-graduate because she was going to please her foster parents. Unfortunately, all her efforts to marrying a graduate failed.
After we left the higher institution and passed out of the National Youth Service Program in 2010, she brought a handsome tall fair-complexioned guy to our house at Onitsha. She firstly asked the guy to wait downstairs while she ran up to our flat on the second floor to plead with me not to use English while interacting with the guy. She further told me that the calm looking young man wasn’t educated but he’s obviously responsible and caring. She expresses her fear of introducing the young to her foster parents because they would definitely inquire about his profession. At that point, I suddenly became a marriage counselor even when I never had a boyfriend as at then LOL!
She finally married the responsible guy who isn’t a graduate. They currently have four children, two different houses at Onitsha with tenants living in their structures and they are happily married.
Therefore, I would be mincing no word should I say being educated shouldn’t be a determinant factor for who you marry or a major yardstick to be considered when choosing a life spouse.
Funny enough, some graduates who married fellow graduates are not having pleasant relationships. Check them out! it’s not about speaking English or long grammar. It’s not about wearing jump-up trousers or oversized ties. They’re so much to be considered before establishing a serious relationship with anyone. Your attraction to that special person should go beyond mere paper qualifications.
Consider these questions
- Does the person have a good understanding?
- What’s the person’s dream and ambition? What plans does the person have in the next two-three years’ time? Does he or she discuss these dreams and how to actualize them or they are constantly talking about what is immediate and nothing about the future? Let’s leave, eat and die today.
- Is the person hardworking? Note this, it’s not about physical beauty or having a wealthy background. I have met quite a number of people who married because of outward beauty (facial beauty, height, and fairness) or because he or she comes from a wealthy home, some of these couples are crying today because they married fanciful ladies, beauty without brains, fanciful guys who do not have manners, or have what it takes to be husbands or wives.
- Is he or she responsible? This is a vital question you should be concerned about. Responsibility entails a whole lot such as:
- Someone who is God-fearing
- Someone with good moral upbringing and a decent lifestyle
- An honest person who would say this is white and you have a look at it and it’s white indeed!
- Not someone who lies and cheats
- Not someone who mingles with so many women or men at a time and plays smart about their sexual escapades
- Not being a parasite, Someone relating with you because of what he or she could gain. That’s a relationship with benefits and not true love.
Marrying a graduate shouldn’t be a major determinant factor in making the choice of who to marry. Though, it’s not bad going for that person who has a similar understanding as you do if you’re educated. This is important because it’s not when you are discussing something relevant the person will be talking rubbish. No one loves a rotten package. Everyone wants someone who would complement them in all aspects of their life.
However, if perchance you happen to fall in love with a guy or a girl who is not educated but you are educated, consider this, is he or she willing to go to school in the long run? Quite a large of married men and women are usually happy to go back to school sooner or later years after their marriage. For instance, the case of a Nigerian woman in Australia published in Punch Newsletter sometime in 2019, who went back to a graduate school and acquired a nursing degree at the age of 40 after having four children.
She was not only ambitious but she was determined and worked very hard toward achieving her dreams. So these are the reasons you should not be considering just paper qualifications with empty brains as the major determinants for who you go into a relationship with or who you marry. I hope this provides answers to your concerns or question such as ”He or she must be a graduate or I must marry a graduate”. See also a video on my channel on this topic must you settle with a graduate?