No form of relationship is all roses or butterflies. It can be very difficult at times maintaining a close relationship, let alone a long-distance relationship where you and your partner are many miles apart from each other. However, a long-distance relationship can be less difficult and realistic if you are with the right person and incorporate some of the amazing factors discussed below.
Does a long-distance relationship work?
I’ve read so many posts on social media where people talk about long-distance relationships not being realistic. People have frantically condemned a long-distance relationship that it doesn’t work, it shouldn’t exist! A lot of men and women are against the long-distance relationship but interestingly, I’d love to tell you how a long-distance relationship works and how it has worked for me when I was single and after marriage.
How a long-distance relationship worked for me in two aspects of my life.
I’m not saying because a long-distance relationship worked for me, it will, therefore, work for every other person, No! but I can assure you that it is something possible.
I actually started my relationship with a distance relationship. Oh yeah! It might be strange and funny to talk about but that’s fine, this is me! I believe people can learn from my stories that’s why I share them on social media.
So, I got introduced to my man in September 2012, then I was in the UK, he was working in Nigeria. A female relative of him who was once my hostel mate in the higher institution in Nigeria before I traveled got us acquainted. So, we started dating online not as if we met online but I’m not even against online dating because it equally works. We dated for one whole year apart without meeting each other one on one.
How Did It Work For Me?
Honestly, I wasn’t interested in the onset having just ended a horrible long-distance relationship but what actually got me into him was his openness, honesty, and steady communication. He showed me something I didn’t see in my previous relationship. What would I say? perhaps I was destined to keep going into a long-distance relationship.
Now, here is what happened. One day this young man came back from work and I asked him what he was going to be having for lunch? Honestly, I didn’t expect what he said to me. He said he was going to be drinking ‘garri’ and peanuts (groundnuts). I was shocked at that and definitely he wouldn’t remember this, because I never said a word about that to him. but that was the turning point for me, my very first sincere attraction for him.
Hope you’re certainly wondering why I was surprised at that? That was simply because the young man in my first long-distance relationship was a replica of lies! Sorry to write this about him but he was a habitual liar! Frankly, if he was the person I asked the above question he could have claimed that he was eating an Italian dish. He must definitely lie or say something else to bring himself up and wouldn’t tell the truth.
The Talk About The Future
We started talking about the future. You see, when someone is getting to know you, be it a long-distance relationship, or someone who’s within the same locality with you. You can actually determine if this person is real when the person cares about your future, discusses issues about your future plans, ask questions about your interests, targets and what you aspire to be doing after school. He also advises you on job prospects, or investment and otherwise. This is another sign that suggests that yeah! this person is serious.
Okay, when our conversations started becoming more deeper and serious, I was like you haven’t seen me, you might see me and you wouldn’t like me in real life. At that moment he simply offered to come visit me in the UK. After he dropped the call, I jumped on my feet and echoed ‘perfect!’ because I would sincerely love to meet him too. Unfortunately, he applied and was denied a visa, oh gush! That day I felt terrible because I was so looking forward to seeing him.
He Proposed Online
Alright, soon after my graduation, he requested that I come home for us to do the needful. That was after he proposed to me online with a beautiful track (from this moment), by Shania Twain. We played the same track immediately after the toast on our wedding day, it was so romantic. Oh, my goodness! love is so sweet if you entangle with the right person.
These factors determine the effectiveness of a long-distance relationship.
How often do you communicate with this person? like I told you that I was in the UK, my man was in Nigeria. I had to advise him to get a blackberry phone, that was in 2012 when blackberry was invoked. so he got one for himself we started talking on skype. We would practically talk for about two or three times on skype in a day.
Constant communication actually got our relationship working. I remember in those days when I was going to work, I had to tell him. Okay, this is what I’ll be doing today, my shift would last for eight hours I’ll be home after an hour. Sometimes, while waiting for a train to convey me from Liverpool to Manchester, after work, We would engage in a video call while I wait. He also updated me with his daily schedules.
We trusted each other
Another key factor to sustaining a long-distance relationship is trust. We trusted each other despite that we never met in real life, he trusted me, so did I.
The question is, do you trust the person you are dealing with or you go on monitoring the person? You know in a long-distance relationship, this person isn’t living in the same area as you. You pick up your phone, you rang the person, the person didn’t respond perhaps, he or she returns your call after about 10-20 minutes, you got mad at the person. Why would you do that? When you trust someone that you are dealing with there’s every certainty that is going to work out. This gentleman has not met me before neither, have I, but then we had to trust each other because when you trust yourself I am certain that you can trust another.
Long-distance relationship after marriage
Alright, here is the second version of my long-distance relationship experience. Yeah!, I am finally married to this young man. After living with him for 18 months, then I had our child he was only 9 months old and my husband got a job abroad and traveled. I was in Nigeria from September 2015 until December 2018 all alone with our child. Ask me how did I cope?
How I managed
This is why I said, a long-distance relationship is equally possible! People on the streets pitied me, they talked about me. One of the women on my street even asked me how I was coping with sexual gratifications. I could recall she further said, that she can’t stay just for one month without intimacy. I would be lying to you if I claimed there were no temptations from men, they came but to God be the glory I was able to conquer it all.
So how did we manage to sustain our long-distance relationship? We were constantly reaching out to each other. That is why I said communication is one of the factors. We kept communicating with each other day in day out. We took advantage of different means of social media platforms, Whatsapp, Skype Imo calls, messenger and others.
Visit Once In Awhile
It’s also important to visit your partner from time to time or once in a while depending on the distance from his or her destination. Though, I cannot deny the fact that my man always visited once in a year during his one-month annual leave but then I can tell you that a long-distance relationship is a possibility when you learn to bring in all these factors that I’ve stated. When you learn to trust the person you are dealing with, even when you’ve not met this person, you actually agree to go into a long-distance relationship with the person, trust the person when the person tells you this is the way it is.
Don’t go sending people to monitor your woman or your man. Don’t go setting your man up with your girlfriend or your boyfriend trying to test his faithfulness to you, trying to see if he’s cheating on you or not. If you do that it might backfire on you. If you are trying to get serious with somebody understand that communication is a necessity.
Learn to be open to this person. Understand that openness is a vital key that enables people to build a solid distance relationship. Don’t just try making your man or woman suspect you in any form. Don’t switch off your phone without informing him or her. Okay, please I’ll be putting my phone on silence for these reasons: I’m going into a bank, I’m going in for an interview and I will be staying offline probably for about 3 hours or more depending on the duration of your interview or whatever engagement. These are reasons that make partners or lovers suspect others in a close or even in a long-distance relationship. Try to incorporate this into your own relationship and see how it works magic.
What I liked about a long-distance relationship
One of the sweetest things about a long-distance relationship is that it’s always a honeymoon, a romantic moment full of expectations each time both of you are coming together again.
What I didn’t like about a long-distance relationship
Clear disadvantages of a long-distance relationship are that when your man is living in a different country and you the woman is also staying in a different country, as a married person, you the woman honestly plays the role of a man and that of the woman in the family. Sometimes this can be very annoying! You are simply the mum and the dad in the house.
Thinking about his absence and considering certain things you do, that he should have been doing if he was present weighs you down but then I conquered it all! So, today I’m telling the story for those who think a long-distance relationship is impossible, No! It’s not, it’s something you can do depending on whom you are dealing with. I did it! It may work for you if you try!. Check out a video account of my long-distance relationship experience here
You can learn more about my long-distance relationship experience in this video above. I narrated a detailed fascinating story about this, on my youtube channel.
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