A relationship shouldn’t be totally an open book but it’ll be apparently OK to consider how much of your past you should share with your partner. It’s really not a bad idea to tell it the way it is because sometimes it saves a lot of complications. The big question is, what exactly will sharing your past with your current partner do in your relationship? Having considered the number of people you might have shared your past with, men and women alike, did telling them your past sustain your relationship with them? At some point, they quit because it wasn’t working out for both of you for some reason.
How much of my past should I tell my partner?
Does telling your past to your partner really matter? like I said, it’s OK to tell it the way it is but then I think it’s advisable you keep it brief but factual! For example, your partner or your crush just asked you, can you share something about your ex, please? All right, that’s fine. I was staying in Manchester and my ex was living in London, so the distance wasn’t just making it easy for us to get along well. Moreover, he wasn’t just being straightforward and I wasn’t finding that funny, so I couldn’t just continue with the relationship.
Going on to reveal in detail, presenting your ex as a devil, and a never-do-well, while presenting yourself as an angel won’t keep your relationship going if either of you wants to quit, the person goes, no matter what you might have shared with your partner about your past. Husband and wife sometimes take a walk for some reason despite that they’ve been together for years as a legally married couple talk more of those that are just dating. So whatever you shared with someone remember that someday, your partner might decide to take a walk out of your life and what happens to that past you’ve shared with them?
Simply remember that past is past and it should be kept in the past. It has zero or less impact on the present. It can’t change anything or undo what has happened in the past. Sometimes depending on whom you are dealing with, the person might even come up with your past and use it against you and that will be seriously damaging. Not everyone can keep secrets or contain information about your past. Therefore, don’t let everything out just on a first date or on the very first time you are having a phone conversation with your crush. This might backfire on you especially when there won’t be a second date and nothing serious comes up between you two.
I still maintained that the past should be kept in the past and there should be the right time for you to spill the beans. I am NOT suggesting you tell lies, No! I insist there’s always time for everything. Tell the details when you should or when your partner demands to know. Avoid blabbing, saying things that aren’t necessary, that won’t even add to your relationship.
Sometimes most of the information you share while having a timeout with someone you’re just meeting might even make them lose interest in you. It’s better you just keep it brief until it is the right time for you to let the whole cat out of the bag. Telling your partner or your intending partner your past will not determine the sustainability of your relationship. Ensure you know when to say things about your past and when not to. Here is a link to a short youtube video on how much of my past should I share with my partner
5 Things From Your Past You Should Tell Your partner
1. Let your partner know about any cheating habit in your past relationships.
You might find this awkward talking about your past unfaithfulness. This is quite understandable but this shows that you have let go of your past cheating habit and will enable your partner to trust you more. Moreover, you are also safer spelling this beans yourself than letting your partner learn about your past from someone else. It might be causing a lot of harm than good.
2. Your current health status
Simply telling it the way it is will save a lot. You don’t necessarily need to make a list but keeping your partner up-to-date about any debilitating health challenges that might mare the chances of bearing children or posing some discomfort in your daily activities. This helps both of you to be on the same page while proffering solutions to the situation at the same time order than one-sided.
I recalled I told Felix (my man) about the uncomfortable tiny reddish swollen I had in my private part then. He asked if I have had any form of STI’s and my response was no. He advised I visit a sexual health doctor and his advice was very helpful. Don’t keep them to yourself for a problem shared is half solved.
3. Let your partner know why your last relationship ended.
Almost everyone would ask this question about why your past relationship ended. Don’t find it awkward answering this question but keep it factual and brief. This will help your new partner watch-out for those red flags and keep off from them.
4. Your financial situations
Let your partner know if you are having some outstanding financial problems such as credit card debts, bills, indebted to individuals. This might be uncomfortable and a bit turn-off but letting it open to them might help your partner decide whether to go with you or not. This will also help both of you work out an appropriate financial plan.
5. Problems you’ve overcome
Let them know about the difficult moments you have encountered and was able to learn from it and become more better.
5 Things from your past you shouldn’t tell your partner
There are things in your previous love life that you shouldn’t talk about because talking about some of those things that happened in your previous relationship with your partner may likely cause a lot of discomfort or misunderstanding in your present relationship. So, the best is not to talk about them. These are some of those things from the past love life that you shouldn’t bring up in your present relationship:
1. comparing your ex with your current partner
It can really be boring when constantly bringing up issues about your ex while discussing with your partner. Talking about how your ex used to spoil you, how he used to take you to some beautiful places doesn’t make sense. This will keep on annoying your partner because you are passing a negative message that they aren’t good enough, or that you are still interested in your ex and probably wasting their time.
2. Comparing your ex to your partner
Nothing kills a relationship faster than the habit of constantly describing your ex in detail to your partner, bringing up issues about his negative or positive life regularly. This will apparently be disturbing especially when you keep talking about how they made you feel nasty or fantastic, comparing your partner to your ex. Some people make the mistakes of pushing their partners to be like their exes forgetting that every individual is uniquely different in all aspects.
3. Past intimacy
Talks about your past intimate life should be kept to yourself. Don’t make the mistake of talking about how good or how bad your ex might have been, or how long they last in bed or whatever. This won’t absolutely sound great to keep disturbing your partner with talks about your past intimate life with your boyfriend or girlfriend. You are better keeping those to yourself and save yourself a lot of complications in your relationship.
4. Talking down on your ex’s parents
Badmouthing your ex’s parents, their siblings or everyone in their family wouldn’t make your partner start worshipping you. They will definitely feel insecure with you because they feel that tomorrow you would talk about their family in the same bad manner. Talking down on your ex’s family will make your partner be conscious about their dealings with you. They might not be that free with you or welcoming you into their family because of how you’ve been going about talking down on your exes family.
5. Photos from your past
When they say, ”bygone is bygone”, meaning what is past should be kept in the past, that is totally serious! Going about with the photos from your past (photos of your ex), showing them to your partner or keeping those photos within their reach in their own house is absolutely crazy! That means you’ve not let go of your past. You’ve not really finished with your past. That suggests that you’re still obsessed with your ex. It doesn’t really make sense those things should be kept away because they were in the past. You might also want to check out this video about the five things in your past you shouldn’t talk about
Avoid bringing your past into your present life because it might be causing a lot of problems. The above are the things that you shouldn’t bring up in your present relationship if you really want to sustain your relationship. Keep away everything of the past and if there is any need for you to make references to your pasts don’t go talking about them in detail but then be brief about it.